Random pic. :)
Hi blog friends. So lately I've been feeling a little bit down on myself. Want to know why? Because I have been comparing myself to other bloggers and the seemingly perfect life they have. Do you ever feel like other people are smarter, more beautiful, more creative, better writers, world travelers, completely happy with marriage all the time, happy with having 5 kids and no career? I know I do.
So honesty time now.
I'm constantly in awe of people who have money & design skills to redecorate their house all the time, even if it is done "thrifty". I can't afford to buy thrift store furniture and redo it most of the time. It makes me wonder if I should be working? But the thought of putting Bry in day care makes me feel guilty and working as a nurse sounds absolutely miserable.
Sometimes I miss being single. Not because I don't love Travis or want to be married. I just miss getting dressed up and going to parties and meeting new people. I miss being validated that I'm one sexy biotch. Sound really superficial? absolutely. Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work. After almost 3 yrs of being married it takes a conscious effort to keep the "crazy in love" feeling there.
I love my son so much, but the reality is I'm sitting here with yogurt & peanut butter smeared across the front of my shirt. Bry has been crazy all day, so I passed him off to Travis while I went to my bedroom to hide out. I now have headphones on blaring "glee" music so I don't have to hear Bryant whining from the other room. I wonder sometimes why people want more children after living though one and KNOWING what they are getting themselves into. I seriously don't know if I can do it all again.
I suck at making friends. I get lonely, but yet I don't want to make the effort to get to know people. I'm also very choosy about who I'm willing to hang out with. I often wonder if it's bad to be choosy? Probably. I miss my old singles ward sometimes, because it seemed so easy to relate to other girls when we were all single and going through the same "dating" drama. Hopefully my new ward has a lot of girls my age who love clothes, design, photography, reading teen fiction (ha), chick flicks, taking girl trips, & of course the gospel. I think it might fill an empty spot in my life to have girlfriends who I can relate to.
I wish I had more courage to do what I loved. If I could redo BYU all over again I would go into interior design I think. It sucks that you are supposed to figure out life at 18 yrs old. I wonder what I will do with myself when Bry gets older and I have more time on my hands. I want to be able to say that I pursued my dreams and tell Bryant that he can do the same.
I don't know how people run marathons, run a successful business with children, & have perfect fashion sense. Please enlighten me. How do you do it? I feel like it's a successful day when I can get Bryant and I ready for the day by 11 and have dinner on the table by 5:30. Does this make me lazy? I wonder about this a lot.
Anyway, if you are still reading this you're a champ. Thanks everyone out there for your blogs and lovely thoughts. It makes my day to read about your lives.