Thursday, February 23, 2012

Bryant update (i.e. becca's sad rant)....



So having a kid with Aspergers is kinda sucky sometimes. haha.  Bryant is awesome don't get me wrong, but I feel this overwhelming guilt every time I put on a show for him or write on my blog (yes I'm feeling guilt right now).  I just want to curl up in my bed and watch Downton Abbey or let him play by himself more often, but I can't because I have to teach him how to interact with others.  Sometimes I feel like nothing is helping though, for example, one of those pesty pest control guys stopped by our house this afternoon and even though he didn't even come in our house, Bryant completely freaked out until he left.  Why???? ( I know why it's just something I say in my head a lot ha). It is constant pressure to help him grow and develop normally. 

I think it has changed my outlook on life a little.  I get nervous when people tell me they are having a baby boy, just because Autism is so much more common in boys (I realize that is super cynical).  I'm terrified of having another kid because it would be devastating to have that baby hit 2 yrs old and have autism, especially when we have already been through this once.

Anywho, we are starting a new RDI therapy with him (along with the 2 preschools he is in).  I hope it helps. Want to help me out and pray for Bryant? It's starting to become this obsession that is super stressing me out.  sigh. It has been interesting to get to know other mom's in my same situation.  It IS comforting to know that they think about these things all day long like I do.  

I know this sounds like a super depressing blog post about my super depressing life, but I swear it's not.  I think Bryant is the most loving, special kid ever and I love him so much.  I just wish he would show other people how cute and sweet he is, instead of staring at them like they have 3 heads. haha.  

All right, that's enough of a rant for today.  Off to make dinner.  peace.....

7 comments:

Angela and Mike said...

I have regular panic attacks about my next kid...people always tell me "oh, but it would be fine if your next had Autism because you would be a bro and know how to handle it." That is where they are totally wrong...it would be that much MORE devastating because you know how hard it is! I am just not going there mentally for a while (with a whole another kid thing).

I'm excited for his RDI therapy, I hope it goes well. Bryant has so many good things going for him. I hope others can soon see how sweet and cute he is too, I know that is frustrating.

Oh, and I love your outfit in the picture. You are super stylish.

Angela and Mike said...

correction "you would be a PRO" not "bro"

kkcope said...

Hey Becca,

Kelly Cope, here. First time commenter, long time blog stalker.:)

I ran across this site:
http://www.thetransporters.com/
It might be helpful? I don't know. (I've debated so many times, weather or not I should send it to you.)

Anyway, at the very least, I wanted you to know I've been thinking of you. I hope things get easier and a lot less stressful for you down the road.

In the mean time, speaking of "Downton Abbey", have you seen these?
www.vulture.com/2012/02/print-out-vultures-downton-abbey-paper-dolls.html

Kelly

Linne said...

Hey! I ran into your mom the other day in St. George. So good to see her, but it made me think about how much I miss you. We really need to get together. She mentioned you might be making a trip down here? Let's get together and grab lunch or something!!!!

Jessica said...

We need to spend more time together. lily and Bryant do so well together. Lily has been super clingy lately and her shy-ness is getting to the point I am starting to worry if I am encouraging her enough to be social. If we hung out a lot I think it would be good for both our kids - and us! Call me soon so we can set something up.

Tiffany Johnson said...

Hi friend. Let's hang out this week. I love reading your posts. You are just so pure. I love your honesty and I love that you just put it all out there. I wish I was a better friend to help out more. I still have fond memories of hanging out in our backyard taking pictures of the kids with all the water toys. Good times. :-)Love ya!

Julianna said...

I read your post yesterday & my heart went out to you. I wasn't going to write anything, but I kept thinking about you & your sweet little guy. 

Before staying home with my babies, I worked with kids with mild to severe disabilities of ALL sorts.  I know how hard it can be, but I got to go home at the end of the day. I admire you & you can see  how much you love Bryant. I'm not an expert by any means, but you know, he'll start his RDI therapy & you'll see him grow & progress as he reaches his goals. I can tell you those are the most amazing moments & it makes the hard ones seems not so bad. Ok I think I've babbled enough. Know your little family is in our prayers:)